Some of the angriest people are those who have never allowed themselves to fully feel their anger, so they displace it. They honk and yell at others in traffic, get overly angry at sporting events, act out when they're under the influence, snap at friends and family members in disrespectful ways, etc.
When you bottle up your anger, it gets suppressed until you finally snap at something trivial, ultimately leading to regret, shame and guilt.
Most of us weren’t taught how to express anger in a healthy way—not because our parents were bad people, but simply because they didn’t know how to handle it either. When you expressed anger as a child, you were most likely reprimanded, disciplined, or punished in some way—sent to your room, the thinking corner, getting your mouth rinsed out with soap, spanked, slapped, or worse. Because of this, there is a lot of shame around expressing anger or even feeling angry, but anger is just an emotion that wants to be felt; it's neither good nor bad, it simply just is.
It's typically easier for women to tap into sadness and express their emotions through crying, but often under that sadness lies a lot of anger and rage that never felt safe to be expressed. For men, it's the opposite. It's typically easier to tap into anger and rage, but beneath that anger and rage is often sadness.
Learning how to emotionally regulate yourself and feel your emotions is one of the most profound things you can do for yourself. It's an opportunity to re-parent yourself and to teach the next generations to come.
When you aren’t feeling seen or heard, your inner child and teenager can start to react, leading to dysregulated emotional patterns. You end up having the same temper tantrums as adults, blowing up at those closest to you, screaming, yelling, and having intense emotional responses even with strangers if they catch you on the wrong day.
When you are triggered and your core wounds are activated, igniting anger, your inner child or teenager has a physical emotional response or reaction. By creating a safe space for you to express and emotionally regulate yourself, which you never had as a child, you can support yourself in feeling the emotion safely.
I want to normalize being angry, but in a way that gets it out safely and in a healthy way, without harming anyone. By simply allowing yourself to release pent-up anger that has been living in your body for years. I want you to feel safe tapping into your anger because, trust me, we all have it. Again, anger is just another emotion that wants to be felt and is deserving of being felt without shame or guilt.
When you learn how to deal with your anger in a safe and healthy way, you can prevent yourself from projecting it onto others or internalizing it within your body. When emotions aren't allowed to be felt, they become trapped within your body, leading to physical symptoms such as blockages, illness, pain and disease. Emotions are energy in motion, and when we don't acknowledge them, they manifest in the body because they have no place to go.
I want to discuss a healthy way to release your anger to help move this energy out of your body, because it is there, even if you feel like you’re not an angry person. I encourage you to think about something that has caused you a lot of pain and anger in your life, whether in your childhood, teenage years, 20s, 30s, 40s, etc. If you’re unable to tap into your own anger, you can tap into the collective anger that is going on in the world right now. Think about the wars, the sex trafficking, the abuse of children that we are seeing in documentaries, abuse of power, political rage. There is a lot to be angry about in the world right now, so if you can’t tap into your own, you can tap into the collective anger.
Once you’ve done that, go into a private room in your home, with the door(s) closed, making sure you have pillows. If you have a punching bag that’s even better! State out loud, “I have anger” or “I am feeling angry,” to know that being angry is just a feeling, it does not distinguish who you are. Once you're in your private space where no one can hear or disturb you, set the intention: "I am going to fully allow myself to feel my rage right now. I am going to go full out with no judgment for myself." Then, put on a song that evokes anger within you. Set your timer for 3 minutes and fully allow yourself to feel your anger in whatever way feels good for you. Scream out loud or into your pillow, punch your pillows, jump around, shake your body—move in whatever way feels true to you with no judgment.
Once the alarm goes off, slowly allow yourself to sway back and forth, focusing on your breath. Placing one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly, taking deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth to help regulate your nervous system. After this, I encourage you to journal about anything that came up for you or anything that surprised you. Allow yourself to feel the energetic release in your body because you will, and it is so powerful and profound.
If you haven’t allowed yourself to feel anger in years, I encourage you to make this a weekly ritual for yourself, or do it whenever you need and see how your mental, physical and emotional self starts to shift.
Your anger is valid, it is welcome, and it is safe to feel it with no shame or guilt attached to it. It is a feeling, not who you are.
If you're seeking support to heal your relationship with yourself, your body, and food, know that you're not alone. I would love to talk about how I can best support you on this journey. Click here
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I see you, I love you, and I’m so proud of you. Thank you for showing up today and every day.
Sending you my love,
Holly
